A satirical presidential resume produced by some comically political magazine in the midwest. What's so alarming about it,is that it's all factually based. Do bear it in mind when casting your vote later this year,won't you.

RESUME
GEORGE W. BUSH
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue
Washington, DC 20520
United States

EDUCATION AND EXPERIENCE

Law Enforcement:
I was arrested in Kennebunkport, Maine, in 1976 for driving under the
influence of alcohol. I pled guilty, paid a fine, and had my driver's
license suspended for 30 days. My Texas driving record has been
"lost" and is not available.

Military:
I joined the Texas Air National Guard and went AWOL. I refused to
take a drug test or answer any questions about my drug use. By
joining the Texas Air National Guard, I was able to avoid combat duty
in Vietnam.

College:
I graduated from Yale University with a low C average. I was a cheerleader.

PAST WORK EXPERIENCE

I ran for U.S. Congress and lost. I began my career in the oil
business in Midland, Texas, in 1975. I bought an oil company, but
couldn't find any oil in Texas. The company went bankrupt shortly
after I sold all my stock. I bought the Texas Rangers baseball team
in a sweetheart deal that took land using taxpayer money. With the
help of my father and our friends in the oil industry (including
Enron CEO Ken Lay), I was elected governor of Texas.

ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS GOVERNOR OF TEXAS

- I changed Texas pollution laws to favor power and oil companies,
making Texas the most polluted state in the Union. During my tenure,
Houston replaced Los Angeles as the most smog-ridden city in America.
- I cut taxes and bankrupted the Texas treasury to the tune of
billions in borrowed money.
- I set the record for the most executions by any governor in American history.
- With the help of my brother, the governor of Florida, and my
father's appointments to the Supreme Court, I became President after
losing by over 500,000 votes.

ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS PRESIDENT

- I am the first President in U.S. history to enter office with a
criminal record.
- I invaded and occupied two countries at a continuing cost of over
one billion dollars per week.
- I spent the U.S. surplus and effectively bankrupted the U.S. Treasury.
- I shattered the record for the largest annual deficit in U.S. history.
- I set an economic record for most private bankruptcies filed in any
12-month period.
- I set the all-time record for most foreclosures in a 12-month period.
- I set the all-time record for the biggest drop in the history of
the U.S. stock market. In my first year in office, over 2 million
Americans lost their jobs and that trend continues every month.
- I'm proud that the members of my cabinet are the richest of any
administration in U.S. history. My "poorest millionaire," Condoleeza
Rice, has a Chevron oil tanker named after her.
- I set the record for most campaign fund-raising trips by a U.S. President.
- I am the all-time U.S. and world record-holder for receiving the
most corporate campaign donations.
- My largest lifetime campaign contributor, and one of my best
friends, Kenneth Lay, presided over the largest corporate bankruptcy
fraud in U.S. History, Enron.
- My political party used Enron private jets and corporate attorneys
to assure my success with the U.S. Supreme Court during my election
decision.
- I have protected my friends at Enron and Halliburton against
investigation or prosecution. More time and money was spent
investigating the Monica Lewinsky affair than has been spent
investigating one of the biggest corporate rip-offs in history. I
presided over the biggest energy crisis in U.S. history and refused
to intervene when corruption involving the oil industry was revealed.
- I presided over the highest gasoline prices in U.S. history.
- I changed the U.S. policy to allow convicted criminals to be
awarded government contracts.
- I appointed more convicted criminals to administration than any
President in U.S. history.
- I created the Ministry of Homeland Security, the largest
bureaucracy in the history of the United States government.
- I've broken more international treaties than any President in U.S. history.
- I am the first President in U.S. history to have the United Nations
remove the U.S. from the Human Rights Commission.
- I withdrew the U.S. from the World Court of Law.
- I refused to allow inspector's access to U.S. "prisoners of war"
detainees and thereby have refused to abide by the Geneva Convention.
- I am the first President in history to refuse United Nations
election inspectors (during the 2002 U.S. election).
- I set the record for fewest numbers of press conferences of any
President since the advent of television.
- I set the all-time record for most days on vacation in any one-year
period. After taking off the entire month of August, I presided over
the worst security failure in U.S. history.
- I garnered the most sympathy ever for the U.S. after the World
Trade Center attacks and less than a year later made the U.S. the
most hated country in the world, the largest failure of diplomacy in
world history.
- I have set the all-time record for most people worldwide to
simultaneously protest me in public venues (15 million people),
shattering the record for protests against any person in the history
of mankind.
- I am the first President in U.S. history to order an unprovoked,
pre-emptive attack and the military occupation of a sovereign nation.
I did so against the will of the United Nations, the majority of U.S.
citizens, and the world community.
- I have cut health care benefits for war veterans and support a cut
in duty benefits for active duty troops and their families in wartime.
- In my State of the Union Address, I lied about our reasons for
attacking Iraq and then blamed the lies on our British friends.
- I am the first President in history to have a majority of Europeans
(71%) view my presidency as the biggest threat to world peace and
security.
- I am supporting development of a nuclear "Tactical Bunker Buster," a WMD.
- I have so far failed to fulfill my pledge to bring Osama Bin Laden
to justice.

RECORDS AND REFERENCES

- All records of my tenure as governor of Texas are now in my
father's library, sealed and unavailable for public view.
- All records of SEC investigations into my insider trading and my
bankrupt companies are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public
view.
- All records or minutes from meetings that I, or my Vice-President,
attended regarding public energy policy are sealed in secrecy and
unavailable for public review.
PLEASE CONSIDER MY EXPERIENCE WHEN VOTING IN 2004!

This article explains alot. Rachelle has sworn up and down that she has felt dumber since Peyton was born. I wonder if you lose more IQ with each child born?

Well, I took a little hiatus from my blog. I am still working in Astoria, and although a lot of people think that I will get promoted to store manager, I don't think that I will. Not really sure why I feel that way, just a shitty gut feeling. Oh well, it would have been perfect, but this is reality and nothing is ever perfect no matter how much you want it to be. The bad thing is that I started out telling myself that I wouldn't get my hopes up, but when all you hear is how great you are and how you are the perfect person for the job, it goes to your head. And now I really want it. What I needed was someone to tell me on a daily basis what a piece of shit I am. Oh well, I've made pretty good money doing this. I have been averaging about 10 to 20 hours of overtime each week for the past 4 weeks. And while I have had absolutely no time to do anything else but work, the money has been nice. I think I have actually lost a little weight due to not having time to take lunches or eating during my 12 hour work days. Starting this week I will be making store manager pay which is almost twice what I make an hour currently, and I will remain hourly so it will be very expensive overtime. I figure I will be doing this for another couple weeks. But enough work. I am totally stoked to see my friend Jeremy before he leaves for Japan this month. I think we are gonna plan a get-together with my other friends for a weekend or something, which is something we haven't done for a very long time. I really wish Dannyboy could make it, but that's the shit when you live thousands of miles away. I'm almost finished with the landscaping on my back retaining wall, which means I can finally put in grass. My wife wants to plant seed, but I think I am gonna talk her into buying sod. It is more expensive, but I think I will be happier in the long run. I recently started playing in a poker group. Last week was my first time, and we play every other Wednesday night at a neighbor's house. He built a game room behind his garage with a poker table, pool table, fridge, TV, and a stereo. It was a lot of fun even though I suck at Texas Hold 'Em. I Drank a few beers, played and lost poker, then we played pool until the next game. That's pretty much all I've done in the last couple weeks. Hopefully I will find out soon about the promotion, don't know how much longer I can go on, not knowing.