So I saw my real dad today. Completely out of the blue, and without any warning he just shows up at my work. I come out of a meeting at work and there he is standing there like it's no big deal. This is the guy that hasn't been around pretty much my entire life. I haven't seen or heard from him in probably almost a year now. The longest he has ever gone without contacting me was like 5 or 6 years when I was in highschool and thereafter. Not a phone call or a birthday card or anything. But it is always the same thing when I see him. He acts like it is no big deal, and wants to pretend like he has been here all along. Oh and he always apologizes at some point and tells me what a terrible dad he has been, then I don't hear from him for like a year. So whatever. There are a few things I do know.

1. My father is a bigot, he has made numerous comments about women, African Americans, Asian Americans, gays, etc. Which seems odd to me since my Grandpa, his father, is very liberal, and not at all that way, nor is my grandma both of which I love and respect very much. Both my uncles, his brothers, don't have the same warped sense of the world like my Dad. I always believed bigotry was a something you learned from those who raised you. Guess not.

2. My father used to do/does drugs. My mother left my father when I was 2 or 3 because she didn't want me to grow up around drugs and the people that make them their life. And not just the light drugs, like pot and mushrooms, but he was into cocaine, and just about every other drug you can name. I think he still uses drugs to this date. I know he uses pot, which at nearly 50 you would think he would have grown out of by now. Despite all the things that my Mom does that drive me nuts, I am extremely thankful for her having the sense to get me away from that. I don't think I would be the same person today if it weren't for her.

3. My Dad will never be there when I need him. There has never been a time in my life when I could depend on my dad, for anything. And just when I start to believe the stuff he tells me, like he is gonna stay in touch and see me more, he doesn't. Some things never change. And because of this I have really never asked him for anything, he never paid a penny of child support to my Mom and step-dad growing up, and I really resent that. Not because I wanted the money, but if Rachelle and I were to separate, I can guarantee you that my daughter Peyton would get every dime I made, no matter what. It's what parents do.

4. My Dad and I have nothing in common. I always pretend to be interested in what he tells me about and the things he says he does, but I'm not. He fishes, he hunts, he lives on boats, not that these things are bad, they just don't really interest me, which he would know if he ever really spent any time with me. I can't really think of 1 thing we share in common, how sad is that. And when we talk all I can think is, "ok, that's great but I gotta go." Even today, I had not a thing to say to him. He told me about how he has been in Peru for the last 6 months and that is why I didn't hear from him, even though other members of my family did. He told me how he is moving there and how the government of Peru is giving him 1000 acres of land to promote tourism. And how he is having a house built, and how he is making $4000 a week taking people fishing and hunting. Whatever. I guess it will just be that much longer between uncomfortable conversations with him on the opposite side of the hemisphere.

So I eventually told him I had to go to another meeting, and it was good to see him. And just like that he was gone, and I probably won't see him again for another year. I thought I wanted him to be a part of Peyton's life, but now I am not so sure. I think he can just be that guys she sees every 10 years. No one I know has a perfect family. I just wish I had something a little closer to normalcy. Shit, who knows, maybe this is normal.