OK here we go. So yesterday evening I am at work and a guy I knew from highschool (Josh Long) walks up and asks if he can talk to me for a second. I thinking he had a complaint said, Yes. He said, "I know this probably isn't the right time but there is something I need to tell you. Do you know you have a brother? And I am thinking, uh, yeah Rob, and I say, "What are you talking about?" He said, "Your dad has a son named Brian who's 31 (3 years older than me) and he lives here in Astoria." So by this time I don't know what to think, is he high? is he confusing me with someone else? what the fuck is going on here?

He goes on to tell me that my real dad had a son with this woman (Cindy) before I was born. She broke up with my dad and then she hooked up with this guy named Al, who takes the boy as his own, and they never tell Brian that Al isn't really his dad. Then when Brian is 16 he has doubts about his dad being his dad, considering he looks nothing like his father, and decides to go through his parents yearbook. There he finds a picture of a guy named Mike Sims (my dad) who he looks just like. He confronts his parents and they tell him the truth and then Brian decides he wants to meet my dad and his family, and he does. So 15 years ago he met my Grandpa Sims and both my uncles on my dad's side, but for what ever reason, it didn't go well or whatever and they never really had a relationship after that. And supposedly he really wanted to meet me, but my mom didn't think it was a good idea considering my dad and I already had a strained relationship and all.

So he tells me that it just clicked a while back when he read my last name on my name tag, and it donned on him how much Brian and I looked alike. He said he had told Brian he should get to know me cause I was a good guy and all. He then asked if I wanted to meet Brian on Thursday during their weekly Poker night where they play texas hold 'em at the Moose Lodge. So I tell him sure, not really thinking and still kind of being in shock. He tells me that he will call me if Brian is weirded out about it and I told him if Brian was uncomfortable just let me know and we could cancel it.

So now I am damn upset, and am in shock. I didn't even know what to think. So I get off work and call my mom and ask if she knew I had an older brother. She tells me that she knew, and that she thought I knew. She assumed that my Grandpa and my Dad had told me and that she had never asked me about it because she figured I just didn't want to talk about it. So apparently damn near everyone in my family has known that I had another brother for the last 15 years and didn't tell me. How messed up is that, I am 28 years old for gods sake, it is not like I am a child who couldn't cope with something like this.

So my Step Dad and mom tell me that my dad and this Cindy woman dated for 2 or 3 years and that she broke up with him when my Dad was like 18 or 19 after getting pregnant, and they don't believe she ever told my dad that she was pregnant or for that matter that the baby was his. So he apparently found out 15 years ago when Brian came looking.

So last night, I am going through the gambit of emotions, trying to figure out how I feel about this, and how I feel about meeting this guy. Does he want to meet me? And then I think, do I really want to spend 3 hours with total strangers playing poker. Especially if I don't like the guy. So I talk to a friend at work, and she tells me that he went to school at Knappa High, and that he served in Iraq. She says, "Now that I think about it, he does look just like you only he is bigger, he even has the same hair cut. And I think he was in the store yesterday while you were working."

So I am guessing he probably already knew who I was and just never wanted to make anything of it. Then this evening I got a message from Josh to call him so I am assuming that Brian is pissed that he told me and wants to call it off. How am I supposed to feel right now? I am so many things right at this moment, confused, pissed, sad, just plain fucked up.... Who the hell wakes up one day when he is 28 goes to work and finds out from an almost total stranger that he has an older brother? What the fuck?

So I called Josh back and got voice mail, and I basically told him that I really didn't feel comfortable meeting Brian this way but that I would like to get to know him just maybe in a different setting and to let Brian know he could get ahold of me if he wants to. I think I want to meet him and see what he is like, but part of me doesn't, and I am not really sure why. We will have to wait and see.